I’m scared it’s all going to pot in the day job, and I’m feeling that I’m a worthless member of staff. I’m worried that I’m unemployable. I am a hard worker and have a fairly intelligent set of brains, so why is it so hard to get anywhere job wise?

My working career has barely started, stop-start-stop-start since I graduated from university in 2003. I’m  also struggling to make my photography business work, I can’t network or make my presence known as well as others can.

I want to earn my crust, and I want to enjoy doing a job that I am good at. I want to feel like I am a valuable member of the team, but at the moment I couldn’t be more unsure of where I stand. Meetings and discussions are ahead and I’m really nervous about what will be said.

I’m worried I won’t be able to get my point across. I’m worried people don’t understand. I think I’ve made a mistake in putting on a front, that I can cope, for all these years. Either that, or I’ve coped too well perhaps, not letting on just how hard I’ve found it. How hard I do find it. I’m exhausted. I can’t work each week as it comes, any more. I need to know that I have a future in the workplace.

Hands and Beeps is a photography project that I’m supposed to be trying to work on. Photography is my passion, and this project is in relation to my deafness. I need to shout out about it. I need to get my act into gear and start taking up the support that’s available. I’d like it to be the start of something to be proud of. Can I do it?

I’m struggling at the moment and I need to get back into the blogging habit to try and self-counsel. I’m sorry if this has been a bit of a dump, my first post in months and it’s all been a bit, well, bleugh….. but I’ll stick at it, and try and get my words to make sense again once more.

Bear with me x