I’ve been job hunting for about 18 months now. I have fallen out of love with my current job and it’s got to a point where I just can’t do it properly anymore as my hearing as got so bad. I dread going into work, I find that 2 days a week in work cloud over the other 5 days I am not. I am still very enthusiastic about the core principles of my job, in my head, I’m still good at it. But in reality, when I can’t understand the general public, especially in a city highly populated with people who have strong accents from all over the world, it’s not realistic anymore.

My job involves working with every single different type of person. Anyone could sit opposite me at my desk, what I do, is a service that everybody needs. And working in the city I do, means that it could be, and a huge chunk of my day is, working with people from all over the world. These people have strong accents, different lip patterns and lack of fluent English. Often, even those who are English, I struggle with too, having bad social skills, lack of awareness. 5 years ago, I found it hard, but I could do it. In the last 2, my hearing has deteriorated so much that the clarity of my hearing just isn’t there anymore to make it feasible. Everything sounds different, my hearing aids are now so turned up, everything is amplified and different noises drown each other out. Nothing is clear anymore, I even struggle to understand my own husband, when he has the radio on in the morning.

And because my job is all about the people, seeing different people, appointment after appointment all day long, it has become exhausting. I can deal with the odd difficult person in a day here or there, but due to the volume of people I work with, the proportions are far wider and I can’t physically deal with it anymore. I am doing the bare minimum as I am putting so much energy into understanding what they are saying. I am in tears most days after a particularly difficult customer. My heart sinks when I see someone with a veil covering their face or a customer who has 3 noisy children with them. I feel like I am constantly battling with communication for each minute of each working hour. I can’t do it anymore.

Work have been brilliant, my immediate managers and my big boss, all have been very supportive. We’re due to have a meeting, although when, I’m not sure. But the be all and end all is, I need a new job. If they are able to find me a new one within the office, that’d be great – but I’m not holding out much hope because I can’t use the telephone either which rules out the few other single posts in the office other than what I currently do. And the council are working hard to reduce costs as it is, so they can’t just create another role for me.

Problem is, I’ve been applying at the wrong time. In the depths of recession, in the recovery of recession, jobs are like hot cakes. I’ve lost count how many jobs I’ve applied for. I’ve spent many an hour at the computer on my days off searching every single job vacancy I can find. But what do I apply for? My skills are very specific – my university degree, hopeless. I never get an interview, even through two ticks for jobs that are a similar salary that I’m on now. Jobs which are a step down salary/career wise than I am doing at the moment, are usually administrative jobs, school receptionists etc, which require heavy use of the telephone. Experience is what I’m lacking – but I am a good worker, I am an intelligent woman, I am good at IT, and learn very quickly. I am motivated, thorough and thoughtful. I am good at working on my own and in a team, I have my own car, am good with empathy. I am sensible, a good thinker, and enthusiastic. What can I do?

When I was at university, I worked in retail. Thorntons, Waitrose and Woolworths if I remember correctly! Upon graduating, I got my first full time job working for a local council in a job that I loved and enjoyed. It was career based, bottom of the ladder type. But it was temporary. And I couldn’t afford to do the course that would take me to the next rung on the ladder. Following this, I was unemployed for 4 months, before finally getting another job for Civil Service which was a case of, job! Thank you! Don’t care what! I was pregnant with our first child by this point, so when that contract was up, thankfully, there was no pressure to find something else straight away. After maternity leave, I got another temporary contract, before finally, landing my current job – my first permanent job since graduating. 5 years later, I’m still here. I feel incredibly lucky to have a permanent job, a job that although the “R” word has floated around, is in relative low danger of being lost.

I keep telling myself to cheer up, I have a job, it pays me money once a month, the people I work with are lovely. I should be bloody well grateful right? It’s a tough old world, being torn in each direction. Desperate for a new job, going through the soul destroying moments of applying for job after job, getting nowhere. Yet stuck in a job you can’t do, trapped in a world of dread for the working week rearing its head again. Needing to increase hours, but not being able to if you can’t fulfil the full role and feeling pretty darn crap that that’s the case – wanting to feel you are worthy, keep using your head, keeping on top of the world as its turning.

Someone give me a job? Please?