I’ve told people it was today, a year ago, that I was switched on.

Actually, as my Mum pointed out, the appointment last year was on a Monday, therefore it must have been Tuesday… alas, it’s still a year ago this week even if I’m blogging on the wrong day (I was waiting for today to write!)

I am finding it really hard to get going with this post. I’m very emotional today but that’s not just due to this anniversary.

It’s been a year though, a WHOLE year since I was switched on and wrote that first post utterly terrified at what I was hearing. As it turned out, what I heard through the implant that day didn’t change at all for months and months and in the end, we called it a day.

What was supposed to happen, was that the sounds I was hearing that day, should eventually have got clearer and clearer. Like they do for everyone else who has a Cochlear Implant. I’ve not met anyone yet, who had the same thing.

I still have moments of doubt, where I think “Did I REALLY give it a good go?”. Especially when I hear of CI users say about how hard they found it, and they talk about how they “pushed through it, gave it all they had, worked the hardest they ever had to work” and it worked out for them in the end making it all worth their while… this makes me feel like they’re implying I didn’t push through it, I didn’t give it all I had and I didn’t work very hard to make it work at all. But I really did, honestly. You know how much I wanted it to work.

I also have moments where I think “Why the hell me?”. Why also, did it happen, that only days after the consultant mutually agreeing with the audiologist and hearing therapist, and me, that we’ll call it a day, that the hearing in my very precious other ear, disappears completely resulting me with absolutely no hearing but unbearable Tinnitus for an entire summer?

Thankfully, and every so gratefully, some hearing did return in that ear once the Tinnitus subsided and I was able to make use of my hearing aid again. It’s not at the level that it was previously, but it’s still light years better than the Summer.

I went back to the audiology centre after I was confident that my hearing had settled. I asked them to turn my hearing aid up some more to try and recoup what I had lost. Unfortunately, I was told that my hearing aid was at the very highest it would go, and the blow was, there isn’t a hearing aid more powerful than the one I have now.

All my life, there has always been a better hearing aid to go on to. For the first time, I’ve reached the peak of technology. and cannot go further despite needing to. I guess if I had been someone else, the next question may have been “Have you considered a Cochlear Implant?”

You know what though? This may sound utterly daft. I’m quite happy now. It’s been a few months since everything went utterly pants and I have adapted. I love the word adaptation and the meaning through it – people really do adapt to their situation with a bit of positivity, can accept things for how they are. I decided that I would be positive.

Good things to be positive about include the fact some hearing did return after all – it didn’t have to! Other things to be positive about are, my friends and family will get me through whatever happens and I have an ACE Audiology team supporting me. I also have GLITTER in my earmould – could it be any sweeter than that?!

So I have adapted, I’ve got used to what I have now, and am making the most of it. Listening to music in the car will never be the same again, so I’m just jacking up the volume and feeling the beat instead. My children’s voices were very wobbly sounding and far too quiet for some time, but now I’ve just decided, that’s what they sound like. They’re still cute!

As for the Cochlear Implant, well I remain confident that it is still by far, the best hearing aid there is on this planet. I am by far, in the absolute minority where it hasn’t been successful. I still have absolute faith in the procedure. So much so, that actually – I still hope it’ll work for me sometime. As proved in the summer, and in my hearing history, my ears shift all the time. The amount of Tinnitus that I get tells me that! So perhaps, you never know, when things have settled down, I’ll give it another go – they may even have an even better processer to try with even more flexibility to make it work for me.

I live in hope, because I still have my life to live. I am 30 this year, I have to make the most of what I have, which is a huge lot. I might not have the hearing I hoped to have and the changes that I hoped the CI would give me, but I do have a huge amount of other things.

Here’s to 2011, and a different kind of switch on x

I have Live Writer! Yay! It went AWOL. I couldn’t post on the blog until it was re-installed. But due to running my photography business (www.bryonyclairephotography.co.uk) and the hectic few weeks approaching Christmas, I’ve only just had chance to establish just where it went, so again, apologies for the time its taken to write again.

Diving straight back into it…

My youngest daughter has been a little slower on the uptake with her speech. She has good understanding in context, she has words and sentences but they are not completely understandable even to the hearing ear, let alone my own. I have to say, I’ve been really sad about it. I was incredibly fortunate to have such a young and clear speaker with my older daughter, I could understand her right from the beginning with her early, clear speech. The terrible twos as a result weren’t quite as bad as normal. But with the Small One, it’s much harder to decipher what she’s trying to say, and the frustration is clear on both sides. She can sign, but she’s going through a phase of not wanting to. The Big One was the same, I just need to persevere with that.

I desperately want to understand my own daughter. She’s the funniest and most adorable little thing, her sign name is actually the sign for laugh, as she is so hilariously cheeky and funny sometimes. She’s obviously trying to tell me something but I can’t understand what. She also chatters away to herself when she’s playing and often, my husband or my Mum will tell me what she’s said, but I want to hear it for myself, or lip-read it for myself. I know it’ll come, I’m just not a very good waiter.

Today she started to tell me something but as I was making lunch, didn’t pay as much attention as normal. Until I realised she was being quite pressing about it. “Mummy, Pone! Mummy, Pone!” she kept repeating. It clicked after she’d said it a few times, she was telling me the phone was ringing. I went over to the phone and indeed it was, the light was flashing. I didn’t answer it, as we only have a phone line as it came with our internet package, we don’t use it to make or receive calls so the only calls we get are those of the chilly temperature. And all of a sudden, I choked a sob.

She’s not even 2 yet, all of three weeks and she’s already started to be my ears. The Big One, perhaps became my ears earlier than this, but she’s always seemed much older than her years so it sort of became more acceptable to me. For my youngest daughter, the baby, to all of a sudden “get” that she needs to tell me the phone is ringing, the gravity of the responsibility I place on my two children by default hit me somewhat.

They are very precious, my children. I’m incredibly lucky to have them, and that they are happy and healthy. But I do struggle with this “responsibility” that they have been armed with, through no fault of their own. I do worry that throughout childhood, they will see it as a chore. Them telling me the phone is ringing, or there’s someone at the door is quite cute at the moment, but in time, it’ll turn to what the shop assistant said, or what that tannoy said, or even, what I absolutely dread happening, that need to call 999.

The idea of my children ringing 999 on my behalf absolutely terrifies me more than the the idea of why I’d need to ring 999 in the first place. If there was an emergency and it was just me at home with them, I have often thought about what I’d need to do. What if I couldn’t leave the situation to go and knock on my neighbour’s door? What if I couldn’t absolutely guarantee that someone would pick up a text immediately? At the age that they are now, I think I’d risk calling them myself, I’d just repeat down the phone on a loop that I am deaf but this is what I need, this is why and my address in the hope that the message would get through. But there will be a time, perhaps even in only a year or so time seeing as my Big One is approaching five, that asking her to telephone for me would be the most reliable form of getting help. The responsibility of this, just doesn’t seem right for her to shoulder.

There are various text message services these days, but none are particularly well advertised, the campaigns I hear of, are always temporary trials, or trying to get the idea recognised. The numbers to text are different depending on where in the UK you are. I couldn’t rely on a text message, I would need to make a phone call.

How my little one telling me the phone was ringing, led the thought process right the way through to a hypothetical situation of needing to call 999 I don’t know, my mind works like that, always thinking about what I’d have to do, seemingly needing to be prepared somewhat. That’s mother’s nature I imagine. Only I have to think about the extra bit too.

I hope you had a great Christmas and New Year. I’m quite happy to be back on blogsphere. I am still writing for the Hearing Times which is an excellent resource of current news, affairs and stories for all Deaf and Hard of Hearing people and enjoying seeing my words in print!

If you have any questions about anything I have said over the last year or so, then please don’t hesitate to contact me by commenting on the blog, or you can e mail me at byps81@gmail.com. If you are interested in any of my Photography services, then there’s a separate e mail address for that at info@bryonyclairephotography.co.uk.

In the meantime, see you soon xx

Big Hello to all

I’m back, I’ve been AWOL. My last post hopefully explained in advance. Moving house has been one of the most stressful times of my life. We were without internet until a few days ago as well, hence blogging actions on all accounts been lacking.

But we’re here now, and I’m back to blogging and really looking forward to it. I’ve been keeping up with my column at the www.hearingtimes.co.uk which has hopefully kept some people going to some extent!

I’ve got a few posts to work on, I’ll slowly ease them in one by one. I’ve been busy setting up my own photography business as well, you can see where I’m at here: www.bryonyclairephotography.co.uk. Its been very hard work, but I’m getting there slowly and learning more and more about the art of photography every single day. Being a deaf businesswoman has it’s obstacles, but I’m getting over them one by one.

See you very soon!

xx

I haven’t blogged for ages. I’m not sure why. I got out of sync I think. I forgot how to blog, I couldn’t be bothered. I also had a lot of other things taking up brain space.

I also found myself wanting to be private for a bit while I get used to my new hearing levels.

I’m not back to normal, but I am doing ok. Just OK.

The CI isn’t improving either – they even flew a guy from the USA out to try a few things with me, but as much as I felt awful saying, it didn’t make much difference.

In terms of my right ear, the one that went kaput, well, it slowly got better over a period of time. The tinnitus quietened down, the hearing got better. It’s not back to how it was, but I’m not complaining. What I have now is even more precious than I ever had before – and I’m scared it’ll go again. Those 2-3 months when I had nothing at all, scored extremely highly in the hardest weeks of my life.

But what I’m interested in gaining back now is not the rest of the hearing I had – it’s my confidence. In terms with dealing with the public, I’m still finding it very hard. The lack of clarity means I’m relying on lipreading so much more, and it’s exhausting. So many people have very hard lip patterns to follow.

My children are wonderful, my biggest one has been teaching my little one signs unprompted. It’s such a special thing to see. Sign language is a huge part of my life – it always was, but it’s even more prominent now.

I’ll try and write again sooner rather than later. I’ve missed blogging, it was always a good way to get things out of my system. So hopefully, The Deaf One is back x

Huge apologies for not blogging for, um, ages.

Thanks to the kind and very dear Ruth for prompting me to write.

The last couple of months have been crazy. We’ve finally sold our house (yay!) had lots of problems getting mortgage sorted for new house (boo) but I think we’re finally getting there and despite having to find a new house and compromising somewhere, we’ll be in a new house by the end of the year fingers crossed.

Hearing wise, I’ve come to adapt and accept my situation. I will write again soon to update in more detail when it’s not late, and I haven’t got houses on the brain!

x

Over the last couple of weeks, I’ve really been able to listen to my Tinnitus properly seeing as no hearing aid or CI has been used to drown it out. I never knew there were so many different sounds!

Let me see…

The Foghorn – a long continuous one pitched sound, sometimes high and wailing, sometimes low and bellowing otherwise known as the “pole noise” as stated by 10 year old me.

The Car engine – A low roar, sometimes accompanied by an ascending vroom but mostly the sort of rhumble you hear on modified cars with exhausts a football could fit inside.

The Organ – Different tones in various volumes and length mostly low in pitch – my favourite although wrecks havoc with my senses when trying to do a hearing test!

The Siren – Neenaw neenaw neenaw. Nuff said.

The Intense Music – Akin to melodies heard on programmes and mostly triggered by a jump in me.

The paper crunch – As it says on the tin, but continuous.

The Bells – The most popular with the general public, little twinkle bells being run furiously right outside my ear.

If you have Tinnitus, can you add to the list? If so, drop me a line and let me know! We can Tinniterize together!

My best friend posted on Facebook last night, something that made me really smile. It’s so true!

“Being deaf sucks but there are small mercies occasionally. The dog is snoring and snuffling like a good un, just like the husband really..! And I’m about to sleep through it all!”

I can only but agree! As expected of the humour of my friend’s husband, friends and family, the comment thread reached pages long and added to the morning’s entertainment. But I had post about the original status and emphasise really that sleep SO rocks when you’re deaf!

Following my last post, (A life of complete silence) I’ve decided to write a bit more about how my life has changed in recent weeks. Its been a very frustrating time, and there have been many moments of where I’ve not been able to see the light at the end of this particular tunnel. There are a few other difficult times going on at the moment, we are having the worst luck trying to sell our house. We are desperate to move, and have been for some time. We outgrew this house when I was pregnant with our second child. Said child is nearly a year and a half now, and as a family of four, we are squeezed into this little end terrace, along with much of our stuff, in a house that also needs a lot of work doing to it. They say that moving house ranks very highly in the most stressful times anyone can go through – do you think that losing a limb, or a sense is also up there? If it isn’t, it should be.

I’m likening some of my experiences to be similar to when people have been hearing and then gone hard of hearing, or deaf later on in life. You get used to whatever you’ve got and when it changes, regardless of what level you were at the beginning, it has a huge impact on your life and emotions. My experience is just at the other end of the spectrum in terms of what has been lost, but I imagine it has a pretty similar.

I feel quite lost at the moment. I’m finding myself holed up more and more at home preferring to spend time alone with my children, or on the computer where it’s far easier to communicate with my friends. I feel like I’m having to learn how to adapt which to me, is annoying. Consciously having to change the way you do many things when you’ve been used to another way since birth, is definitely annoying.

The last three weeks have possibly been the hardest three weeks of my life. There has been no time to get to grips with my new situation at my own pace, life has still had to go on. I’ve still had to be a mother to my two girls, I’ve still had to go to work and earn my pennies. I’ve still had to shop for food, deal with surveyors coming to look at my house and get my train tickets from the station. It hasn’t been just the practical side of things though, its also been the realisation that this is possibly how it’s going to be for the rest of my life. My youngest daughter isn’t talking yet other than the odd “byebye” and “book”, so it breaks my heart that I won’t ever hear her talk. The memory of the sound of my oldest daughter talking is fading fast, although I’ve been rather fascinated with the fact that I can actually lip-read accents. I never knew how good my lip-reading skills were.

I’ve never used my eyes more than I have done in the last 3 weeks. I have been so tired, constantly watching out for things and lip-reading every single person more intently than I did before. My ears were pretty useless before, but now they are redundant, I realise just how much I relied on that little bit of hearing, a hearing aid was able to assist with.

I am extremely lucky in that my colleagues and my boss (who is ace by the way) have been so accommodating. My normal day to day job, requires speaking with the general public and taking down information that legally has to be absolutely correct. As I work in a small office, with a very good solid door, the surroundings are almost perfect for working on a one-on-one basis to do my job when you can’t hear very well. It can be a bit of a pain in the summer, when it’s warm and you want the window open – passing cars create very irritating distractions! But on the whole, it is quiet in my office and I always managed quite well, using pen and paper for those “I am just not getting this” moments.

With no hearing at all, I cannot deal with the public full stop. Even if it wouldn’t be seen as rather unprofessional to conduct every single interview with pen and paper (not to mention time consuming), I can’t see the general public being extremely tolerant of it and anyway, my confidence has been lost altogether. Birmingham is an amazing city. The ethnic race is hugely vast with people from all over the world settling here and consequently having babies, getting married and passing away. As much as I love meeting people from all walks of life, it did mean it was much harder for me to catch on to the names and accents. With no hearing aid to assist me now, I have no “back up”. I cannot simply pick and choose who walks through my door, I cannot do my job.

I have been given lots of work to do that is normally spread out to the staff working in my department. I am dealing with the post, creating spreadsheets and sorting out paperwork. It’s fantastic that my bosses are finding me work to do, and being very understanding about the whole thing. But I’m not happy about the prospect of doing this long term – always having to ask for work once my last job was finished. I like to think I am a quick worker, I’ve always thrived being a working woman. Sure I get days when I really don’t want to go into work and would rather have a duvet day – doesn’t everyone? But ultimately I am a working woman, and I enjoy earning my pennies. The idea of not doing the job I applied for and was offered, the job I have been doing for the last 3 years – is quite frankly going to get me down after a while. I feel really trapped – what am I going to do?

We had a meeting last week. I think I might be the only person on earth who likes meetings. I love the idea of sitting around one large table, and being given a chance to discuss current issues within our working environment and the jobs we do. Last week, I sat for a whole hour – I tried to follow but I didn’t get a word. My boss very helpfully sent me an e mail afterwards detailing the matters that had been discussed, but it’s not the same is it? I am going to need a note taker I think.

I don’t feel like I’m part of the office anymore, socially they are still lovely people but if I’m not doing my job properly – am I really part of the team? I know people understand, but that won’t stop them from potentially getting a bit annoyed on a very busy day, about the fact that there is someone being paid to do a job, but isn’t actually doing it. This is my biggest worry.

Home life has changed in quite a big way. I am getting fed up of not being able to understand the Big One. She is such a dear little girl, her sign language is improving every day but she’s only four – she doesn’t quite understand change in the way that I need her to and she talks like a four year old does with the patience of a four year old. I am so proud of her being my little helper though. She tells me when the Small One has woken up from her nap, she also tells me if someone has knocked the door (why they don’t ring the doorbell which then flashes my lights I do not know) and she tells me when the toast has popped up – however this may be because she’s ready for toast, rather than the actual letting me know the toaster made a noise

What worries me, or perhaps scares me, the most is their safety. Deaf people, with no hearing at all, or who choose and prefer not to wear hearing aids, have children all over the world and are amazing parents so why am I so worried? I feel like my safety net has been pulled from beneath me and I am exhausted with constantly checking on them, checking they’re not talking to me (I am getting rather a lot of bruises on my arm however, from the Big One tapping me on the shoulder every 2 minutes!!) or they’re upset. I felt awful when the Small One had apparently tripped over and banged her head and was crying and I didn’t know. She came up to me in tears, and I was so cross that I hadn’t been alerted earlier – the hearing aid would have picked it up – perhaps not as it happened, but definitely earlier. I gave her the biggest cuddle, mother’s guilt is such a horrible thing.

I did a good thing today that I must write about – think of the positive things, even if the negative things feel like they outweigh. Despite all my worries and scares about facing the big wide world with no hearing, this morning I met a very good and old family friend in the local park. After a short wander around, we popped into the cafe. My friend needed the toilet, and I was very tempted to say “so do I”. I didn’t need to go, but I didn’t want to be alone in the cafe on my own with the girls in case some one spoke to me. Instead, I swallowed and said that I would order while she was away and what did she want. And I did just that. I ordered a coke, an apple juice, a pot of tea. Plus a slice of carrot cake and Victoria sponge (carrot cake for me, oh yes). The man said something. I didn’t understand – I simply repeated what I had ordered – in hoping that he’d find the answer to his question in there somewhere. I think it worked as he nodded in response. I then said something that I’ve never really wanted to say before – its not because I’m ashamed, far from it. I just hate the awkwardness that can sometimes come with it, and I hate the uncomfortable feeling of “announcing” that then often makes the other person think “o…….k…….?” but today I said it and he accepted what I said with a smile and I lip-read him say “don’t worry”. All I said was “Sorry, I’m Deaf, I can’t hear at all”.

I fear I am rambling again, not really making much sense or keeping to the topic on hand. I can see that I am writing paragraphs and paragraphs about one little thing and not really being very informative or explanatory. I do apologise, but it helps me to just let my mind wander and type as I go.

I’ve written to the Guardian by the way, I love to write and I want to write in a more formal way – about life as a Deaf person and a Deaf parent. I haven’t heard back yet, but I really hope I do. I hope that my last few rather, emotive posts, don’t put them off. But I know I could do it and write engaging articles that could open the general public’s eyes on life in silence – and how good we can be at it. Or at least I think I could. Worth a try eh?

I have always been Deaf.

However a hearing aid has always benefitted me to an extent that I could communicate moderately easily with people, talk on the telephone once upon a time, hear my children shouting for my attention if they were nearby and even play and enjoy music. The hearing aid aided my lip-reading. Although I could often hear sounds, I rarely knew what they were unless I was facing the sound. I still relied on subtitles, I still relied on a lot of communication support when studying, but you know what? I think I did pretty well.

Without my hearing aid, I cannot hear anything. So what happens when even a hearing aid doesn’t give me anything?

If you read my last post (scared is not the word) then you’ll know that something has happened to my very precious right ear. All of a sudden, the hearing went and the Tinnitus started roaring.

I had hoped it was due to a sniffle. That sniffle came and went. I then hoped it was due to a blockage the audiologist found in there. That has now been cleared and there is no change. I’ve run out of ideas for why it might be temporary. Of course the hearing aid could be broken? I tried an old hearing aid and it was just the same.

I don’t know what happens next, but I have been thinking a lot about how life is going to change if this is indeed permanent.

The things you take for granted such as popping popcorn. I love popcorn, I often get the bags which you put in the microwave (salt overload, I know I know) and consider it a real treat to have some. I’ve always had to stand close to the microwave, to listen for when the pops were a second apart, and therefore the bag was ready to be opened. I had to listen very hard and sometimes they were a little bit scorched, but I could do it.

I tried to make myself some popcorn last night while my husband was out at a show. I kept my hand on the microwave as I couldn’t hear the pops, feeling for the little thuds of the kennels popping. But the little thuds are little. They’re not very strong, so when I thought it was done, the thuds were a second apart, turned out I had a lot of spare kennels in the bottom of the bag and only three quarters of a bowl full of popcorn.

And talking of my husband being out. I couldn’t find the baby monitor. The baby is a toddler now, the monitor was packed away in a bit of a decluttering panic I had a few weeks ago. I don’t know where it is, do you? But it did mean that I was a bit stuck for a device to let me know whether the small one had woken up, she doesn’t normally, but you can’t be too careful can you? Once she was sleeping through, I didn’t need the monitor anymore if my husband was on a very rare evening out. I could just sit on the computer doing my photography work, with no telly on, hearing aid on the loudest setting and all the doors open and if she woke, she’d shout so loud that I could often work out a noise was coming from upstairs. My house is tiny and the computer is right by our stairs.

Without the hearing aid, what do I do? I ended up camping out in my bedroom with the telly and my husband’s netbook and checking on her every 10-15 mins. Not the most relaxing way an evening, but at least it didn’t take long each time I checked her.

There have been two big issues with this whole not-hearing-anything-at-all situation. My children, and work.

My big one has been so sweet, she has picked up her signing remarkably well, remembering all that she’s learnt in the last 4 years and improvising for signs she doesn’t know. She behaved impeccably whilst I was with the nurse this morning, sitting on a chair quietly and did not move an inch. I told her how proud I was of her, and she gave me the biggest smile that would melt the coldest of hearts. My youngest doesn’t understand, but helps by being the most affectionate and cutest 15 month old you’ll ever know. It has been so hard, taking them out and about, crossing roads and having to be extra careful of looking out for cars. Being extra alert in the supermarket, asking Alice to listen out for the smoke alarm when I burnt the sausages amongst many other things. I am so worried that I’m going to become a bit of a social recluse as well, as already, I am preferring to keep to myself when there is more than two other people in the room. Its not personal, I’m just finding it too hard to follow. I am truly very blessed to have the most wonderful children, anyone could ask for, I hope I can find a way around this, and make sure they don’t miss out.

I am going to talk about work in another post. As I fear this is getting too long and talking about work, may even deserve its own post altogether. I also need to take a break and take my girls to buy some cake. I think Victoria sponge.

Before I go, I’d like to say a HUGE thank you to my wonderful Mum. Along with my fantastic husband, and the wonderful support I’ve had from other immediate family members such as Dollar, Hannah, Dad and Ailsa and my lovely inlaws not forgetting my lovely friends, online and off and of course colleagues, my Mum has been utterly fabulous during the last couple of weeks. Heck, she’s utterly fabulous all of the time, but has particularly been so in recent times. I think my Mum understands my ears better than even I do Mum – I understand that my blog can sometimes be hard to read, if it was one of my own daughters writing such emotional posts, I would be the same. Thank you for everything xx

I had a very slight cold last week. Just a runny nose, nothing more to it than that.

Usually when I have a cold my hearing drops slightly. Just makes it a bit quieter, nothing more to it than that.

Normally, it only lasts a couple of days and then returns back to normal, nothing more to it than that.

This time its different and I’m scared.

Its not just quiet, it’s extremely muffly and distorted and my Tinnitus is raging beyond belief. It is almost as bad as it was immediately after I had my CI operation. It is remarkably similar to something. My left ear.

We are trying one more thing on Wednesday, CI wise. If that doesn’t work, it looks like even the wonderful people at audiology will accept there’s nothing more we can try and we’ll work out my next step.

If indeed we all agree, the CI hasn’t worked for me that means my left ear will remain useless.

If it is not due to the cold, it looks like my right ear has gone the same way. It is very possible, it’s been four days now and its not just quiet, there’s more to it than that.

I am relying 100% on lip reading at the moment. Lip reading my daughter is such hard work, she’s having to sign to me so I can understand what she’s saying. Strangers? Impossible.

Where does this leave me, if this is permanent, with work? What am I going to do? I have been really stressed this week. My head is all over the place. I’ve been irritable and easily upset, I forgot my purse every time I went somewhere. I even forgot to send my Dad’s birthday card and his present hasn’t even been ordered yet when his birthday was last Wednesday (so sorry Dad).  Everything is an uphill struggle. I’m so tired.

Ironically it’s Deaf Awareness week this week. I’ll be taking a photo later to represent the NDCS’s “Look at Me” theme. I need everyone to look at me, I always have, but at the moment, more than ever.

I’ve always been a hearing aid user. I have relied on them so much. For the last ten years its only been the one hearing aid. If I have to go down to none, I’m not sure how I’ll manage. I guess I just will. But am so scared that I may have to just manage. Please let it just be due to the sniffly nose I had. Please.