20 Apr
I’m sorry for not blogging earlier about my progress with the CI. I’m afraid there is none and I have been dreading writing about it.
I have a lot of worries about various situations surrounding the CI and I’m finding myself getting more and more stressed.
The biggest worry is that it’s not worked. But I’ll get onto that in a minute.
The other big worry that is bothering me a lot, is that I don’t think that people really think I’m giving it a proper go. Mostly, it’s because I’m not wearing the CI when they see me. To be fair, I can see why they think that. But the fact that is of utmost importance here is that I simply cannot wear it in social situations. I cannot understand a thing. I rely 100% on lip-reading which is not only hard work, but I’m having to lip-read with the constant babble of noise on top of that distracting my concentration which is soul destroying when I know I can cope better with my hearing aid on its own.
I AM wearing it, but I am not wearing it all day every day like I do with a hearing aid, for the following reasons:
On top of this, there are the additional annoyances that I can’t tie my hair up when I am wearing it as the pad just falls off. I can’t even tuck it behind my ear. I have very thick hair and it’s about shoulder length at the moment. The pad has two double strength magnets in it and even then, it falls off quite easily. I don’t suit shorter hair so it’s very hard self image wise to deal with the idea of cutting it short to help. Doing my work or jobs around the house and also dealing with a hair grabbing small child with my hair not tied back is a nightmare. A headband does the job the best it can do, but it’s not ideal.
At my last appointment, the audiologist set the processor with three different programmes. They are all very different and react to different frequencies in different ways. She also lowered the higher frequencies, to try and reduce the shhhh sound I get enveloping everything I hear.
I have made a conscious effort, since this appointment to wear the CI even more, no matter how hard it has been. I have been following a rota on my fridge to wear it at certain times on different days for increasing periods of time. Unfortunately, this has made me rather an unpleasant person to be during those patches of the day. Whilst wearing it, I am irritable and have been snapping at the slightest thing.
At the end of the day, it’s unbearable to wear and 3 months after switch on, it is still no better than it was on the day my CI was activated. I know that 3 months to some people is “nothing” in terms of CI progress, but everyone I have come across, has had some form of progress by now. I have had none.
I am SO sorry for letting people down, the readers of this blog hoping for CI reassurance, the readers who are my friends, wanting the latest news, supporting me every step of the way. I hate having to say this but: I really do not think it is going to work for me.
Please remember, that I did not go through all of this to give up at the first hurdle – I really have tried. The operation just before Christmas, being away from my children for two nights, the dizzyness, not being able to drive and horrid, constant Tinnitus attacks that plagued me for weeks. The bald patch on my head which is still growing back and everything that came with the switch on; all that, has really been one of the hardest times of my life.
I really have, and AM trying my very best. I really wanted this to work. It was going to change my life for the better in so many ways. My heart has broken, that it hasn’t done what I dreamed of. I’m not sure if everyone will understand where I am coming from, but I hope you do, or will try to.
I still believe in the CI. I have met too many people where it was the best thing in the world for them, not to. I also think, that if the CI was in the other ear, where I currently don’t have any distortion with my hearing aid, the CI would work wonders. But it’s too precious to me, I daren’t risk it.
If you have approached this blog to get information on CI’s and how they can work for people, please do not be put off. I have many contacts on my blog roll that I can pass on to you. I am the only person I know, that it has not worked for.
Perhaps I should put a little star next to the last word on that sentence and link it to the next paragraph.
*The journey isn’t over just yet. This blog post may be premature and I dearly, dearly hope so. They are still rooting for me at the hospital and keep telling me to persevere. They seem to think there is hope left, even if I am only clinging to that hope with the shreds of my fingernails. However there comes a point in everyone’s lives, where the limit with anything hard going, has to be reached and said “You know what? I think this is as far as I can go” and I think this may be coming soon, for me.
Perhaps, if I wore the CI every day for 2 years, maybe then one day, it would suddenly work for me. Or perhaps once the girls are older, my life is less stressful in other areas it’d work eventually then – you never know. But I know that I can’t put myself through this on a daily basis until that happened, knowing it is only ever an “IF”.
I’m so sorry, but my sanity just cannot take it much longer.
Bx
16 Responses for "All for nothing? It might be."
Oh B – I am so sorry to hear that ((hugs))
Oh B, you really don’t need to apologise to ANYONE. The only reason we, your friends, want it to work so much is to make your life easier. If it’s not doing that, if you decide, now or at any point in the future, that enough really is enough, then we’ll be disappointed for you, not with you. I am so sad for you that it’s not working yet. However, you are going through an incredibly stressful time and, perhaps, that’s not helping?
Don’t give up if you’re not ready to but, equally, don’t feel you need to carry on for anyone else. This is about what’s best for you, what works for you.
Hugs, lovely lady. You deserve to be happy, and as long as you’re living your life the way you want, you won’t be disappointing anyone.
xx
Oh B that must be so terribly, terribly hard to cope with. As much as you might have said you weren’t getting your hopes up, of course you must have – otherwise you wouldn’t have gone through painful surgery and everything you have suffered since… and to have those hopes dashed – repeatedly – must be wearing in the extreme.
I wish I could wave a magic wand. I wish I could make it work for you, and have the miraculous results that you have seen for others with a CI. But if it doesn’t, then that’s ok too. It’s ok to give up being repeatedly disappointed! I really admire your tenacity and perseverance.
I hope one day it works for you. I hope you get your fairytale.
I’ll still be rooting for you in 10 weeks, 10 months, 10 years if that’s how long it takes for something magical to happen.
I have found your journey so very interesting to read about. I felt like I was experiencing the highs, and the crushing lows right there with you. Thank you so much for sharing your words, and in doing so, letting me see the world through your eyes (or rather, hear the world with your ears 😉 ).
Big hugs.
R x
You haven’t let anyone down. You are doing your best and that is all anyone can ask of you.
It can’t work for everyone, but I really do hope that it eventually begins to work for you.
x
Oh Bryony – I’m so, so sorry to hear you sounding so down, and so sorry to hear that the past few months have been so horrific for you, CI wise.
I wish I could just click my fingers and it would all get better for you – but I can’t. What I can do is to be here and listen anytime you want to talk about it, and (virtually) hold your hand or offer a shoulder to cry on whenever you want.
I hope things get easier for you very soon – whether that is via the CI beginning to work properly, or whether it is by shelving all CI stuff for a while and concentrating on the rest of your life. Is it a genuine possibility to ignore it/switch it off for a couple of years and come back to it at another point?
lots and lots of love x
Oh love, i am sorry to hear it isn’t working out for you. I had everything crossed that it would change your life.
I am definitely here if you want to rant or wail. It sucks.
I am with libby, is it something that can be put on hold?
big hugs xx
Oh gosh so sorry that your journey with the CI is such a tough one. I’ve been reading your blog with interest for a while and I’m amazed at what you’ve gone through. Here’s hoping things improve or if they don’t then you find an equilibrium you’re happy with. Hugs x.
To everyone who has commented, thank you xx
Hi B,
Like a few others have said, you don’t need to apologise, you’ve not let anyone down. It’s not your fault that it hasn’t worked yet. I for one do understand to some extent how you must be feeling.
I’ll still hope that the seemingly impossible happens and it starts working for you very soon. Regardless of the outcome, you’ll come through this a stronger person.
Lots of love and hugs xxx
Gosh B, I cannot imagine how hard this is for you xxxx
hello im sorry you are having a hard time with the ci. how long have you been deaf? it is quite hard for someone to get a ci and get used to it. i got mine when i was a kid. but it must be a lot harder for an adult getting it. BUT you do need to wear it 24.7 to get totally used to it. and the disorted, muffed sounds DO get clearer as time goes on. maybe its worth talking to your audioligist and tell them your worries about it and maybe they can try and make it eaiser for you? keep at it and if its not for you then dont worry. no one will hate you x
You are letting no one down, quite the opposite. I am full of admiration for the way you continue trying to find optimism, and I know there’s plenty in the rest of your life to take your energy anyway. If you carry on, we’ll keep fingers crossed for you; if you decide enough is enough, that’s fine. We’ll be disappointed for you but not disappointed in you in any way at all.
Have a virtual hug from me.
xxx
Hello…
I just read your latest post only , as I’m a newcomer…
Your post struck home for me…
When I first got the CI I felt the same..
Distorted sounds.Anger.Disappointment.I even had the pain on my ear from early activation ( 7 days after op ).
I wore it only when I absolutely had to.I had my heart racing every time I wore it.I was afraid I’d keel over a lot of times.Sometimes I’d cry a lot.And I was so angry and sad with myself that I never blogged about it or let it out.
I made a rule to wear it for speech therapy.two hours a week.After that time I’d usually leave it on till I couldn’t manage it anymore.Sometimes I ripped it off when I was on the way going home.
I used to dread putting on the CI and hearing all the damn clocks tick tocking and put my heart racing.
I tried to not pressure myself.I went with mappings and not a lot of things changed , so I stopped trying with my audie.
But somewhere along the way I noticed I tended to wear it a little more.It was a long battle for me.A big adjustment.Minute by minute increments a week.
It was such an uphill battle with me , that sometimes I don’t know how I pulled along.But I’m still doing it.I don’t wear it as much as everyone else, but in the way I accepted it and I’m ok with that.It’s not a sprint.Its a marathon.I still have a deaf day every few days.
Plus , lipreading ? it is still with me but it’s gotten easier now.But the start ? I used to be confused.My parents were disappointed with me.They were trying to soldier me on and encourage me.
Writing all about it now , 2 years down in the road this may , it seems so distant.And yet fresh as a nightmare.
So don’t pressure yourself.Wear it when you can.When you feel you can’t take it anymore , pop coil off and try again when you feel ready.Everyone’s journey is different.I didn’t have the speedy acclimation like my friends , but it was all right.Just soldier on.And if you can get the audie to bend his ear to your woes ( mine didn’t ) tell him to lower sensitivity.Start over.Do more frequent or less frequent appts.Whatever works for you.
And maybe , just maybe , few years down the road you’ll feel you’re finally climbed uphill and you can smile.
Sorry if I made you feel worse though.I just wanted to share.And show you we’re not all miracle workers.
Wait.We’re all miracle workers! But , some of us , are struggling the long way.
Either way , do anything that works for you.Hugs.a LOT of hugs.I will cheer you every bit of the way, WHATEVER is your decision.
Cheers,
Vivie , from Greece.
I have been overwhelmed by the response to this post and I thank you all.
Laura, thank you for your message. In answer to your question, I was born deaf and have been profoundly deaf all my life. I have tried to wear the CI 24/7 but due to the reasons I listed in my post, I really genuinely physically cannot. It really is unbearable and as I have two children who need their Mum on board, I need to take this into consideration. My audiologists have been brilliant, trying lots of things.
Vivie, your post was really great to read. Thank you for taking the time to write and a lot of what you say makes sense.
x
Thanks for the reply bryony. it must be incredibly hard getting used to the CI being deaf all of your life. I agree you must put certain priorities ie. your children first in your life. There’s no real rush with the CI if you should choose to wear it or not. if not thats ok too, its not for everyone and i appreciate how hard you have tried with it. its good your audio’s understand that will help. Are you on facebook? if not never mind x
[…] Unfortunately the operation didn’t work out as expected. While from a clinical perspective the operation went fine, practically it didn’t make any improvements. Bryony persisted with it as long as she could but the implant was actually unbearable to use.(she explains it here) […]
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