I had a very slight cold last week. Just a runny nose, nothing more to it than that.

Usually when I have a cold my hearing drops slightly. Just makes it a bit quieter, nothing more to it than that.

Normally, it only lasts a couple of days and then returns back to normal, nothing more to it than that.

This time its different and I’m scared.

Its not just quiet, it’s extremely muffly and distorted and my Tinnitus is raging beyond belief. It is almost as bad as it was immediately after I had my CI operation. It is remarkably similar to something. My left ear.

We are trying one more thing on Wednesday, CI wise. If that doesn’t work, it looks like even the wonderful people at audiology will accept there’s nothing more we can try and we’ll work out my next step.

If indeed we all agree, the CI hasn’t worked for me that means my left ear will remain useless.

If it is not due to the cold, it looks like my right ear has gone the same way. It is very possible, it’s been four days now and its not just quiet, there’s more to it than that.

I am relying 100% on lip reading at the moment. Lip reading my daughter is such hard work, she’s having to sign to me so I can understand what she’s saying. Strangers? Impossible.

Where does this leave me, if this is permanent, with work? What am I going to do? I have been really stressed this week. My head is all over the place. I’ve been irritable and easily upset, I forgot my purse every time I went somewhere. I even forgot to send my Dad’s birthday card and his present hasn’t even been ordered yet when his birthday was last Wednesday (so sorry Dad).  Everything is an uphill struggle. I’m so tired.

Ironically it’s Deaf Awareness week this week. I’ll be taking a photo later to represent the NDCS’s “Look at Me” theme. I need everyone to look at me, I always have, but at the moment, more than ever.

I’ve always been a hearing aid user. I have relied on them so much. For the last ten years its only been the one hearing aid. If I have to go down to none, I’m not sure how I’ll manage. I guess I just will. But am so scared that I may have to just manage. Please let it just be due to the sniffly nose I had. Please.